apparently the secret to your success is patron
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
