I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize