Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
