3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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