I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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