Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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