I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
