Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize