im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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