i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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