Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We just shotgunned beers for America
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
