I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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