four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize