I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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