If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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