Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
