i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
