They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
