Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
