i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
