sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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