omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
