He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
