I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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