We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
