On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
