not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
