is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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