My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
her vagine was all disorganized.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
