I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
