My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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