im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
