why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
