He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
