she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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