I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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