after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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