...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize