apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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