I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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