I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
