If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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