WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
