im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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