WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
