dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
