I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Can you bring me the toilet please
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
