I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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