I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
