I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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