whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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