fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
