I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
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