How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
