I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
