I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
