You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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