Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
