what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
