i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
last night I used snow as a chaser
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
