Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
