That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
