we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
