Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
