rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
