Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
