I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
