Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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