I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
