I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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