We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
