How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
