We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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