i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Randomize
