who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
