party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
