I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize