So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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