Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
