I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
