It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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