spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
