Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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