I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
