i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
