I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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