Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
