Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think a kid would responsible me up
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
