booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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