I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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