i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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