My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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