dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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