i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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