So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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