I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
love makes seman taste better
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize