dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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