Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
