I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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