i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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