my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize