Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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