So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
