I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize