saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
