I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Also, beer. Big fan.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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