McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
